Here we go

So life and love never get easier. I vividly remember being 10 and in elementary school and thinking that my insecurities would go away. Goodness, was I ever wrong. I am in my early 20's and an over-achiever. In school and at work it is all the same. I want to be the best. And then I am. And then I get bored. But everyone has their problems and tendencies. Its still the same as it was when I was 10, just different. Instead of being insecure about my looks, I feel like I threaten the other women I work with. Sure, I bet they have guesses as to how old I am, but they have no idea HOW young. But thats how I got the job. My academic achievments and previous work experience. So I was offer the job, a promotion, and a raise. How could anyone ever turn that down. So now I am in the world of marketing. And I love it.

Initially out of college, I hated work. I hated my job and could not fathom doing it for the rest of my life. It took my boyfriend and future husband to tell me that, uh, most jobs aren't like that. And he was right. I took time off. Figured out my true passions and got a fabulous job with really no experience. And after a couple of months, I submitted ONE resume. somehow got the interview. and somehow got the job. So yes, I may seem to have a lot going for me, but the insecurities are still there, just different. I want to fit in with the other women in the office. I want to be included with the guys because I have great ideas and I want the leadership I work with to hear them. I am doing everything women have fought for. And I appreciate it. Just saying it isnt't easy.

I thought marriage and love would be easy too. As a small girl I envisioned a wedding and coming home every day to my husband (and as I got older, I envisioned hot steamy sex all the time), but I was wrong. Its far from perfect and that makes me uneasy. How can I be so successful at my job, but feel like such a failure in my marriage? people say, "oh! newlyweds!" as if I should have a glowing aura around me at all times. I am blunt about it- it feels like we have been married forever and when does it get better or easier as everyone seems to tell me? Sometimes I feel like I have made a huge mistake and then at other times, I feel like it will work out. Same insecurities I felt when I was dating in high school, but just different.

And finally, I thought I would understand more about life and where I am going. In my career I am on the right path. In my love life I thought I was on the right path, but I may be wrong. So who knows what will happen to this career oriented southern belle. its confusing and hard- just as it was when I was a teen. I just wished someone had warned me that it never gets easier. only different.