Nostalgia is a funny thing

So I somehow erased my entire previous version. Damnit.

Basically, I was online today and came across a picture of Tide. Upon seeing the picture, a wave of nostalgia hit. Tide was going to propose and I broke it off. He never did a single thing wrong in our entire relationship, but there were a couple of polar opposite qualities that I couldnt handle. So I ended it all the while telling him that I didnt want to get married and I wanted to focus on my career. Of course, I met my husband on the night of Tide's brother's graduation party and was married nine months later.

Now, I dont have some sort of "Oh my goodness! I should have been with this man and must hunt him down in a crazy Lifetime Movie" way. I just saw this picture and felt the old memories. This was the man I spent almost every night with for 18 months? The one that my family and friends adored? The one whose family I loved and was so close with? This man was going to propose???? And I've made out with him??? lucky me ;-)

It was just all in all weird to see a man with who I shared such a past with. A man who I loved for half of my college life. And I will always love him as a friend and I know I could call him today if I needed his advice on anything. He is just that kind of man. The type of man that comes around once in a lifetime. I am just praying that the REAL one comes around. I need my twin, but with Tide's kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness.

Since breaking up with Tide, my life has taken so many turns. I have learned so much and am a totally different person. I now have a better idea as to who I am. I can embrace my flaws, not that I dont want to improve and progress as a human being, but now I know I will never be perfect. I will never please everyone. I must do what I love and enjoy even if that means taking time to find out what it is that I actually enjoy. I am just thankful to have dated this man. I hate that I broke his heart, but he showed me how a woman should be treated. And his family showed me what real families and love are about. I needed to see all of this. feel that love. and though he was not to be mine, I know he deserves someone incredibly special. I just hope I find another man like him someday that I am compatible with. While I am taking time off, I can dream. Dream of the one that will love me and my flaws as Tide did. But this man and I will connect. He will not lie and not be an alcoholic. He will treat me as Tide did back during a time when my relationship was peaceful and a joy. I know I need to heal, but I look forward to being with the man that deserves me heart. I just wish he would get here.